Struggling

Struggling.

I weighed in last week and had gained a pound.

It really is insignificant in the scheme of things:  It is winter -- it could have been my clothes were a pound heavier than normal, or not. 

But here is my dilemma:  I love to eat, and whether I am counting points or have super, duper willpower, my first inclination is to eat. Everything. In. Sight. 

Until I can solve the mental issue of overeating, I will continue to have this tug of war with myself, my body and food.  And the truth is, I'm not sure how to solve it. Or if you can solve it without massive amounts of psychotherapy. Because simple dieting or calorie reducing, doesn't fix my brain.

My kids are home for winter break, and of course, they want to eat every hour on the hour -- it's worse than having a nursing newborn.  And what happens to me?  I end up eating with them.  Sometimes I wonder if it is even worth the effort of trying to "diet" during the holidays.  We've consumed 3 birthday cakes in the past three weeks.  I've avoided most of them, but not all.  I still have a 1/4 of a lemon cake sitting on my counter from my birthday on Monday and my brain will probably eat it before the day is over.

2nd Weigh In

I've made it to the 6 week mark and my total weight loss so far is:

Considering I made it through Thanksgiving without any significant set back is a triumph.

I have my daughter's 10 year birthday party this weekend and must persevere another chocolate cake -- then of course the Christmas holidays.  But I feel much more confident and far less hungry than I did 4 weeks ago.

But, as an open letter to Weight Watchers I have the following comments:

Today, I was told they have "rolled out" a new Points program.  The truth is, I didn't stay for the orientation because we have Saturday obligations, so I don't know all the specifics, but from what I overheard standing in line it makes obsolete ALL of the previous tools, books, and points that I have been using off and on for 12 years.  I suppose its a good program and I hope women are successful -- but when you make women now buy a calculator and lots of other bells and whistles to figure points, to me it's just a money making venture and not a weight loss program.  Not to mention, that counting points is time consuming (although effective) enough, trying to incorporate a calculator into my routine is just nonsense.

As such, since I am old, stubborn, set in my ways,  and not used to learning new tricks, I will stick with the old plan and the old points and the old slide rule, which I have been highly successful using (see above weight loss!). You can take your very expensive calculator and any of the other new marketing products and try to sucker someone else.  Because I for one am not buying it.

Thanksgiving

Completely defeated by a turkey. 

 Tomorrow is another day.

First Weigh In

That's how much I lost...I guess going hungry is working.

Still struggling

I can't seem to get over the constant hunger hump.  From breakfast to lunch...I'm OK. But it seems that within an hour or so of eating lunch I'm hungry again...and it prolongs itself through dinner.  Just a constant gnawing in my stomach.  I'm miserable...and it's getting harder to withstand the emptiness.

I did make meat loaf and baked potatoes last night, thinking I needed a protein fix.  It helped...for a bit.

Tempted by cake

It was my husband's birthday this weekend and he asked for this.

The whole time I was baking it (yes, from scratch!) I kept wondering A) how could I possibly make a cake and not eat it and B) feel like I've come to a point in my life that I can't even celebrate my husband's birthday with a piece of cake.

I made it through the previous week of donuts and Halloween candy without a partaking of a single piece, surely 1 sliver of chocolate cake wouldn't kill me? 

My dilemma is that with any sugar, it sets off some unknown chemical chain reaction that induces me to eat more and more of it.  I didn't want to start that domino affect. 

So do I eat it or don't I??

I did. A very appropriate sized piece.  And it was delicious.

Don't shoot me.

But here is the kicker:   I ate it, enjoyed it, and today, I haven't thought another thing about the 3/4 of it that remains.  The kids ate pieces after dinner and it didn't even tempt me (OK, maybe a little bit, only because my football team was losing and that is another way I use food -- to drown my sorrows). 

Not sure if that is monumental or not...but it's a step.

I still haven't weighed in...I go back to my WW meeting on Friday.

Still No Candy

It's been two days since Halloween and I still haven't delved into the candy bags.  I stare longingly at my children as they pick and chose each precious piece that they are allowed to eat when they get home from school. It's torturous.

I've been on Weight Watchers 4 times in the past 12 years -- once after I got married and put on a ton of "what was I thinking" weight -- and three times after the births of each of my children.  After each of those commitments, I remember there being a hunger period, but I don't remember EVER being this hungry.  I'm not sure if it's my age, or the fact that I've overindulged for 2 years, or what exactly, but I'm finding myself licking the remnants of my plate because those tiny mosels are so dear to my hunger saturation. 

I still haven't weighed in -- so I'm not even sure this suffering is worth it.  If I don't see a change, my first stop is the kids' chocolate.

Donuts Part II and BOO!

Happy to report that A) I survived Saturday without a single donut passing my mouth and all the leftovers being thrown in the trash AND B) Not a single Hershey's bar, Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, Almond Joy, or tootsie roll was consumed on this the mecca of candy overload.

Get thee hence Donut!

These luscious confections are my worst enemy.  Without fail, if a box was placed before me, I could eat the entire thing. 

My parents are here this weekend for Halloween, and their weekend ritual with the kids is a trip to Shipley's Donuts -- a local donut shop.  I am preparing myself mentally and physically to withstand temptation.  I can't eat just one...for it will trigger an entire metabolic reaction that induces me to eat thousands.

I've readied my walking gear and headed out for a 3 mile walk.  Hopefully, that will help.

Otherwise, I may have to dump them all in the garbage.

No Excuses update:

I haven't weighed in yet, so I'm not sure how successful I was this week.  After my SOS starvation alert the other night, my state of hunger hasn't been so bad. 

I went out to dinner with my husband and some friends before opening night of Hamlet at The Rep, and ordered a salad/no dressing and a portabella mushroom appetizer.  It was hard to determine the points, but it was very small.

I'm starving!

My battle with weight can be traced back to Kindergarten when my mother took me to the doctor who told me I couldn't eat sandwiches after school anymore.  Thus I was put on my first diet.

Now at the age of fourtysomething, I've dieted, thought about dieting, been on a diet, been off a diet, dieted again, for nearly every day since that point.

In the past 2 years, I've regained the 20lbs I lost after giving birth to my last child.  I thought after having him and successfully losing the proverbial postpartum weight, I had finally conquered the weight issue.  Weight Watchers points had been my friend, and a very successful tool. 

I was wrong.

I'm not sure where the turning point was (I don't think any dieter ever knows) but slowly I started eating the snacks that I had avoided and the second helpings that before I could pass by.  Then, the real collapse came when I got sucked into PTA and my stress level escalated and the only thing that "helped" was cake.  And lots of it. Like sheet cake portions.

I literally ate my way through last year as I planned, decorated, recruited, acquired, catered -- it overwhelmed me.  And since I don't drink, I turned to sugar.

And it didn't stop there -- now I am  PTA president and although I'm not planning high end events, I am still dealing with a stress level that is equal to the former.  But it all came to a head last week when I went to the doctor and gasped as I got on the scale.  Not that it was a surprise, I haven't been able to fit into any of my "real" clothes for a year.  But it was a shock nonetheless.  Finally, I hauled myself off to Weight Watchers last Friday because I new the overeating had to stop.

So, I started this blog to HELP me navigate my wagon on the return road to weight loss.  I hope here I can complain, vent, cry, succeed, and just plain chronicle my journey.

Tonight I just want to yell that I am absolutely starving!  I'm about ready to eat the computer screen!  I'm not really sure how many calories 23 points equals -- but I think it should be considered cruel and unusual punishment.  I really don't remember EVER being this hungry before. 

I'm hoping it gets better -- like my body is going through food withdrawls and it must adjust to the new normal.  Because if not, I think sheet cake would be a whole lot better than this.