Those were the words I was going to utter today when I blogged for the first time in a month.
I can't do this anymore. I'm struggling, I'm hungry, I'm not exercising.
I weighed in for the first time since before the holidays (a monthly weigh-in is only required at Weight Watchers for Lifetime members). I was DREADING it. I had to survive the Christmas eating season, three kids at home and wanting to eat ALL DAY LONG, several snow days with the kids home and wanting to eat ALL DAY LONG. It's been difficult -- almost impossible to keep track of points during this time. But I've tried. Really I have.
So, last night I was convinced I'd failed over the past 4 weeks. I wasn't going to go today, because, well, I can't.
But I did.
And guess what. I'd lost a 1 pound.
OK, not Biggest Losers-type numbers, but not the "I've failed completely" result I was expecting.
So, for today, I can. I can manage today. And hopefully tomorrow. Because even if I only lost 1 pound a month for the rest of the year, that is still 12 pounds!
It really is insignificant in the scheme of things: It is winter -- it could have been my clothes were a pound heavier than normal, or not.
But here is my dilemma: I love to eat, and whether I am counting points or have super, duper willpower, my first inclination is to eat. Everything. In. Sight.
Until I can solve the mental issue of overeating, I will continue to have this tug of war with myself, my body and food. And the truth is, I'm not sure how to solve it. Or if you can solve it without massive amounts of psychotherapy. Because simple dieting or calorie reducing, doesn't fix my brain.
My kids are home for winter break, and of course, they want to eat every hour on the hour -- it's worse than having a nursing newborn. And what happens to me? I end up eating with them. Sometimes I wonder if it is even worth the effort of trying to "diet" during the holidays. We've consumed 3 birthday cakes in the past three weeks. I've avoided most of them, but not all. I still have a 1/4 of a lemon cake sitting on my counter from my birthday on Monday and my brain will probably eat it before the day is over.
I've made it to the 6 week mark and my total weight loss so far is:
Considering I made it through Thanksgiving without any significant set back is a triumph.
I have my daughter's 10 year birthday party this weekend and must persevere another chocolate cake -- then of course the Christmas holidays. But I feel much more confident and far less hungry than I did 4 weeks ago.
But, as an open letter to Weight Watchers I have the following comments:
Today, I was told they have "rolled out" a new Points program. The truth is, I didn't stay for the orientation because we have Saturday obligations, so I don't know all the specifics, but from what I overheard standing in line it makes obsolete ALL of the previous tools, books, and points that I have been using off and on for 12 years. I suppose its a good program and I hope women are successful -- but when you make women now buy a calculator and lots of other bells and whistles to figure points, to me it's just a money making venture and not a weight loss program. Not to mention, that counting points is time consuming (although effective) enough, trying to incorporate a calculator into my routine is just nonsense.
As such, since I am old, stubborn, set in my ways, and not used to learning new tricks, I will stick with the old plan and the old points and the old slide rule, which I have been highly successful using (see above weight loss!). You can take your very expensive calculator and any of the other new marketing products and try to sucker someone else. Because I for one am not buying it.